


Sadness Be Now Your Song

by p_ogman



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Kissing, M/M, Minor Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Mutual Pining, Self-Hatred, The Song of Achilles References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27794353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p_ogman/pseuds/p_ogman
Summary: He had no right to long for his lover who he had caused so much pain, but he couldn't help it.(Or Achilles reflects on his and Patroclus' lives, and with the help of Zagreus he decides to move forward)
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	Sadness Be Now Your Song

**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title is a reference to the first line of the Iliad kill me- I used to read it way too much along with The Odyssey (The Robert Fitzgerald translations qhwgvd). So when I saw these two in Hades I- UGH,,Just want them to be happy 8,,) 
> 
> anyways this is shit lmao

The mortals and gods alike continuously attributed the departed warrior to the sun. 

In his youthful days of life and glory, he fancied the imagery. The sun. To him the sun was eternal, everlasting. He remembers the nights he and his darling Patroclus would exchange hushed whispers about the matter, their legs entangled in each other's.

“I quite like it.”, Pat whispered to him as he ran his fingers through Achilles’ hair. 

“Oh really?”, Achilles had said back with a smirk on his lips and Pat only nodded.

“I thought the same thing myself you know..When I first saw you.”, He admitted, his eyes trailing away as he continued. “Your hair was bright and stood out from the rest of the runners..but- You were also so confident, and you practically shone when you won that race.”

“That was so long ago. You speak of me too well dear Patroclus..”, Achilles said with a slight laugh as he put a hand on the other’s cheek. Patroclus only shook his head slightly and leaned into his hand.

“No..That is how I saw it. Bright and beautiful..my shining sun..”

In the quiet of the scene, Achilles had relaxed at the familiarity and comfort of it all. But now as he sits alone at his post in the Underworld, he can’t help but feel mortified at how much of a fool he was.

Even the dark of the night hid the way blood clung to Patroclus’ hands in the dark of that tent. Even a blind man could see the dark circles under his lover’s eyes and how tired he was as he curled next to Achilles. Yet, there they were talking about himself again. 

Ever since Achilles encountered the boy when they were young, there was a gloom that hung over Patroclus. Achilles had known of the blood Patroclus had spilled, and the life of a young boy he had taken. He had expected to find somebody cold and hardened when he came up to him, but oh how he was wrong. 

Sure, Patroclus was not a saint, but to Achilles he was the kindest soul he has ever come across. It was in the way he seemed to admire everything Achilles did and reacted to the smallest of touches. Holding hands and sitting close to each other evolving into small traded kisses and the sharing of beds. He was certain Patroclus had felt as he did for him with a beautiful blush that would adorn his face, or the soft words he would tell him. Patroclus was always quiet, but when they were alone together he would speak more freely with Achilles. The boy always had so much to say about Achilles, but nothing good to say about himself. 

“I’m not strong..Or good with words like you are..”, Patroclus would mumble into the crook of Achilles’ neck as the blonde man held him close. It was almost as if he would hope Achilles wouldn’t hear the sadness in his voice.

Patroclus was not weak, he knew this from the times they trained together and sparred, but he was not a soul who wished to fight. But he did not hesitate for a second to follow Achilles when he was called upon for war, and Achilles being a fool did little to acknowledge the sacrifice he had made. No, he was relieved when Patroclus followed him into battle. His thoughts of being alone were whisked away by his beloved there by his side.

He had let his anger and quarrel with Aggememnon blind him from the pain he had caused Patroclus. Even while working in the infirmary using the teachings Chiron had shown him, he would look like a ghost. Achilles didn’t need to ask what he saw, he was it the battlefield causing destruction akin to what Patroclus must see sitting on the infirmary beds. Patroclus would insist on helping Achilles clean the blood off of him first but Achilles always made sure to wash away the blood on Patroclus’ hands and face first, kissing the knuckles and lips when they were free of blood.

Now, he hears of fights and tournaments taking hold in Elysium through whispers and gossip. He listens close to see if he’ll hear the name of his beloved, and is always unsurprised to not hear that beautiful name. Patroclus will never be forced to hold a sword in his hand now. He could live a happy life free from the bloodshed Achilles made him face. He could live a life free from him.

He hopes Patroclus does not hate him as he should. As he thinks of their past together, he knows Patroclus must be thinking about it too. He must be seeing the cracks in the nights they spent together, bitter about how little Achilles did to comfort him. He must be thinking about Achilles’ childish refusal to fight that fateful day. All because of a little quarrel. He must think about the way Achilles literally handed him his death, the armor still blood stained as he put it on and went out into a battle that was meant for him. 

Thoughts about somehow escaping into Elysium and reuniting with his lost lover were squashed quickly by his own hand when they would creep into his mind. He would dream of seeing Patroclus standing among the lush greens of what he imagined the paradise to look like. Patroclus would look happy in his dreams, but his face would really shine when he turned and saw Achilles. They would embrace and laugh, and Achilles would wake up just before their lips met. 

Waking up to those dreams left the warrior with a deep longing that would trouble his mind throughout the day, and the days after. Yes, he would truly sulk in his own misery to himself as he went upon his duties as assigned to him by Hades himself.

Sometimes young Zagreus would notice his gloom and question his well being. Achilles had grown close to the young god throughout his years spent there. It was ironic that someone who was so brash and selfish in his life could stand in as a sort of mentor for the god, but he appreciated the company and thought of Zagreus as something akin to a son. Not that he would ever say that aloud.

Despite his past love filling his every thought, he seldom mentioned his name. He wasn’t too sure why. Maybe it was the shame of being the cause of his death, or perhaps it was that saying the name aloud would make his chest feel so tight he could hardly breathe. But Zagreus with his curious nature and fondness for the man would gently pry about his past life on the surface. Achilles would take such questions light heartedly. He remembers the way he had bitterly reaccounted his regrets shortly after his death to Odysseus when the man had encountered his spirit. Although he still held such regrets, he did not want to be the same bitter person recounting his past, especially when he was the one who caused such grievances on himself.

Zagreus was never satisfied with the brief things he would say. Somehow he pulled the words of the past right of the man without him even realizing. Words of bloodshed and gore. Somehow those came easier to say than the words about his lover. How was it that a lost love hurt even more than the pain of what he saw and the lives he took?

“You speak of sharing your life with someone else..”, The boy had told Achilles and Achilles could only offer a tight smile and shake of his head.

“Yes, but not anymore. It’s best if I don’t speak of him. He’s moved on now..”, He said as he tried to casually continue the conversation to a different topic.

He should have known better than to trust the kindhearted and mischievous young god to leave things to lie. And to Elysium the young god went.

* * *

Seeing Thanatos again was like a breath of fresh air for Zagreus, despite the hurt he had caused the other. He couldn’t help but smile as Thanatos held on tightly to the scythe in his hands and spoke bitterly of betrayal.

“You didn’t even tell me..”, He had said and Zagreus felt his heart warm despite the guilt he felt.

He had wanted to tell the other, and he said so plainly. Thanatos looked disbelieving, but it didn’t take too long for Zagreus to regain the others' trust as he kept making his runs through the hellscape and encountering the other. 

He knew that Than was still hurt that he didn’t tell him of his departure, but the way he would help Zagreus defeat monsters in chambers or rather sheepishly accept his gifts of nectar told the young god that nothing has changed between him and his childhood friend.

It was a great comfort knowing that he wasn't alone in his quest to break free. Not only did he have his dear Thanatos watching his back, but also his mentor. The brace the warrior had given him and the kind words and advice he told him at each of their encounters was evidence of that.

He had been offered better and stronger keepsakes from gods and new friends alike as he made his way through his quest, but still he decided to wear the brace on his arm. It was the first keepsake he got, and it was special to him. Not that he didn't also keep the pierced butterfly Than had given him dearly as well.

Achilles was an odd fellow though. Zagreus knew very little about the surface and the mortals that dwelled it, but he's heard snippets about the rage of the great Achilles. But Achilles did not seem to hold any anger. No, the fallen warrior seemed to bask in a great sadness that he has not shaken out of for as long as Zagreus has known him. He tried to ask about his past life, but he would get very little words about it from him. Only mentions of bloodshed, regret, and someone who Achilles thought of dearly. Someone who at the mere reference of made Achilles have a far away look in his eyes and made him somber for the rest of the day.

It was because of this that Zagreus tried to keep his prying to a minimum. His curiosity of the matter was not more important than the wellbeing of his mentor. Little did he know that Achilles has unknowingly lead him to the answers himself.

Zagreus had reached the lush green fields of Elysium for what must have been the fifth time when he encountered the mysterious man. The man wore a hood over his head and sat alone. Zagreus had held his sword in his hand carefully as he approached the stranger. Every warrior in Elysium was always eager to fight, but this one, he simply glanced at Zagreus and gave a tired sigh.

"Go on stranger. Plenty of shades to fight with you out there..", The man said dismissively. Zagreus was surprised the man addressed him in such a way. If he was like any of the other gods he might have been offended, but being himself he couldn't help but at least want to know the name of this gloomy warrior.

"I'm just passing through. May I ask your name? I'm Zagreus-", He said as he stepped closer. The man simply shook his head.

"Names are to be forgotten..", He said bitterly but he sighed, seeming to regret his tone. "You shouldn't be here. May the fates favor your journey..But- Why don't you take this?"

The man handed Zagreus a generous gift of Cyclops Jerky which the young god thanked. The man didn't speak to Zagreus after, seeming to be lost in whatever he was thinking before the young god had interrupted his thoughts. It was when Zagreus had left to the next chamber in the midst of his excitement of escaping that he remembered he had failed to get the man's name.

It was not a problem though, because soon he was waking yet again in the pool of blood, having been defeated by the mighty minotaur yet again.

Zagreus had encountered the man again and again throughout his journeys through Elysium. It didn't take long for the god to find that the man's name was Patroclus. Zagreus had never heard the name before. He tried to inquire what the stranger had done in his life above in order to be granted into Elysium, but the man was very vague and never gave Zagreus the answers he wanted.

Each time he encountered Patroclus, he was still lost in thoughts. Thoughts that could not be pleasant considering the way he would stare at his hands with a deep empty look that would itch at the back of Zagreus' mind as being familiar. It was when one day in the fields of eternal paradise when it dawned on him. Patroclus nearly jumped when he finally saw it, the brace on Zagreus' arm.

"Where did you get that?-", The usually quiet man spoke as he pointed to the god's arm. Zagreus looked at the keepsake and back at the man.

"Huh? A good friend gave it to me-", Zagreus answered. Patroclus couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the item.

"I see…", He said. The surprise washed away and a sad smile lay on the other’s face. “Well- You tell your friend that his Patroclus waits for him..And that he holds no grudge should he return to me..”

“Oh- Yeah ok, I’ll tell him..”, Zagreus said as he tried to hide his surprise. Patroclus looks like he wants to say more, but stays quiet. Zagreus is almost not disappointed when he dies a few chambers after.

“Patroclus?!”, Achilles says when Zagreus relays the message. The look on Achilles’ face is indescribable, and when the man coughs and tries to remain calm as he questions Zagreus more, he knows. This is the man who Achilles holds dearly in his heart. The one he was forced to part with.

It felt wrong to see the man grasp for words, questioning the wellbeing of the man he had just seen not too long ago. Shouldn’t Achilles be in Elysium with his beloved? He was well known, gods sometimes commenting on the warrior as he accepted their boons. He asked such and the demigod laughed sadly.

“I have squandered my chance of such happiness lad..”, Achilles said plainly as he looked down. That same faraway look in his eyes was coming back now. “I made a pact to keep him safe you see..”

“A pact?..”, Zagreus questioned.

“Yes..One I’m afraid I can’t break..”, He answers. He doesn’t say any more about it, but Zagreus can’t let things rest. Not like this. Achilles has always been there to look after him and help when he needed him. To long for someone so dearly when they were so close by- It was no wonder why his mentor always seemed lost in thought. 

He talks about what he found with Thanatos the next time he encounters the god. He should have known a casual mention of the lives of mortals and their issues would earn a lecture from the god, but he couldn’t help it.

“We shouldn’t interfere with their lives. It could get you into trouble you know.”, Thanatos said. Zagreus couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the last statement.

“I’m on my way to escape Hell itself Than- You should know that getting into trouble is the least of my worries.”, He reasons and the other rolls his eyes but Zagreus can see the small smile on his lips.

“I suppose you’re right.”, He says but shakes his head. “That mortal caused me a lot of trouble you know..It took a long time to clean up the mess he caused.”

“Achilles?”, Zagreus questions.

“Yes Achilles- Connect the dots. After the droves of people he killed I had to go and collect all of their souls.”, Thanatos explains before raising an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you don’t know the story about him? Poets above still talk of his rampage, and of his other half.”

“No..I haven’t heard.”, He answers honestly.

Thanatos grumbles about him being lost without him, but wastes no time telling him the story of a mighty and selfish warrior who raged war even on the gods themselves when his love was killed taking his place in battle. 

“They say they had their ashes mixed together so they wouldn’t be apart in death. How ironic. Death does not work that way.”, Thanatos says. “You shouldn’t get involved. You could just make things worse for both of them.

Zagreus smiles and Thanatos puts a hand over his face.

“You’re getting involved anyways aren’t you?”

**Author's Note:**

> idk where this is going I just love these two so damn much


End file.
